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The Winning Isn’t Everything, It’s the Only Thing, Myth!
This familiar phrase has haunted me through many years of coaching. I guess I’m not alone. If you’re reading this and don’t know where this quote comes from, let me give you a little background. For more than 45 years, the word has named the legendary Green Bay Packers football team’s Super Bowl trophy. Great Vince Lombardi. Breaking news: he never said that. As he said, “Winning isn’t everything, but it’s about wanting to win.” This misquote comes from the Hollywood production “Trouble Along the Way” (Warner His Brothers 1953) starring John Wayne and Donna Reed, shot in black and white, with Wayne playing a coach and a single parent with a daughter. It was a story. At a private Catholic college, Donna Reid is a social worker who cares about children. In the film, a game is played while Donna Reed and a girl watch in the stands. The scene begins with shots of Duke barking the play along the sidelines and getting the team excited, then two priests waving school colors, and finally Donna Reed with a little girl who looks about 10-12 years old. Shifts between shots of .years. Donna Reed comments to the girls that she hopes the boys will enjoy the game and give it their all. I always say….”Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” This line comes from a Hollywood production that comes from the mouth of a fictional 10-year-old character. , Vince Lombardi (he says because of his religious affiliation with the Catholic Church), who spent the rest of his life right up to his final days trying to right his mistakes with sports commentators and writers.
I suspect that, like many others, this kind of thinking that winning is the only thing that has dominated the way many coaches and parents view sports competition. Then something must be wrong. Is it possible that moments of temporary setback are gaining something that neither I, the parent nor I, the coach, can grasp right now? are doing all sorts of things, including ignoring our higher self-awareness in order to achieve it. I am willing to do whatever it takes. Still confused? Of course, unfortunately, removing the “all about winning” mindset forces us to look elsewhere for the true purpose of these competitions. Looking around, the answer I found is not in my head. It’s really in the heart with a capital H. More on that later.
When you look at wins and losses as a whole, you really have a 50/50 chance every time you step onto the field. This is the simple truth. The world we perceive consists of a series of opposites, hot and cold, up and down, winning and losing, and so on. All of creation is a world of duality. In fact, you can’t experience one without the other. Imagine living with only sunlight. Only darkness? One compliments the other. Without sorrow, this is no joy. You can’t play a game without an opponent. So how do we act in this world of duality, and where should we focus our attention in order to succeed rather than fail? How can I participate in the The answer lies in higher self-awareness. Most of us know how to take all this duality and understand what it is and what it is not. No! In fact, we are the creators of our own destinies. And by noticing and observing how your thoughts and emotions work, you can find the good in both wins and losses. Experience the good and bad of winning and losing, and don’t forget who you are. This is not a new concept. Eastern competitive formats have taught this for thousands of years. They even call their sport an “art” like martial arts. Its goal is not to annihilate or destroy the enemy, but to honor, respect and love the enemy. Without an opponent, an artist cannot demonstrate the skills he or she has acquired. The competition is based on both opponents doing their best, giving 100% and enjoying their competitive chances. It is in competition, not winning or losing, that athletes/artists can demonstrate their mastery. Fixing the famous erroneous quote by Vince Lombardi, “It’s not all about winning, but it’s all about wanting to win.” There is a very subtle but powerful difference to winning. The difference lies in the power of our attention and intention. Why participate in activities unless you are doing it to the best of your ability? Our intention is always to do our best to win or succeed. However, if I don’t get results on one particular day, I’m not going to accept that personally. We do our best, learn from our mistakes, and get better as we grow. I have a personal motto: In other words, you want to do the best you can, you want to do what you can, and at the same time remember that it doesn’t matter if you succeed or fail. It’s a reflection of who I really am, and it’s the result of my best efforts at the time.
In my coaching and parenting careers, I can recall many times how my son and I learned lessons during our days as pee-wee flag footballers. One season he was drafted to a team that couldn’t win a game. He complained in our drive home and at one point said he didn’t want to play anymore. Having been there as a coach and player, I understood his pain, but I also knew there was some value in continuing and delivering on what he promised. After some discussion and persuasion, he agreed to end the season and play his best no matter what the score was in that match. His team had never won a regular season, but lo and behold, a small miracle happened: when it came time to playoffs, his team won his two most important games of the year. was successful in that’s right. They won the semi-finals and the championship game. I took this opportunity to point out to his son that if he had quit, he would have missed his chance to become a champion. We also talked about just keeping our promises and promises and doing our best and not really knowing how things will turn out.
Earlier, I mentioned a Hollywood movie that created a very dangerous and unrealistic concept. Hollywood has also produced some very amazing and wonderful stories that inspire us. It’s all about the highly competitive game of Texas high school football. It was the scene where he started talking about things. He first told his players to forget about the scoreboard, forget about winning, go back on the field and do their best, do everything for each other, and love in their hearts. Start by telling them to do it with , and the feeling of pleasure in playing the game. He talks about how much he loves each of them and models for them what he hopes they have learned. When playing the game, the final score is not their reward. We are all searching for the answer we found in our hearts with a capital H. This is the real answer. Whether it’s the game of soccer or the game of life, if you play hard, do your best, love what you do, there are only winners and champions no matter what the scoreboard says. It’s important to play the game for all good reasons.
Finding and understanding the right reasons to compete has been the biggest challenge I face on a daily basis in any job. I was born to live in this world of duality. I prefer only half of what constitutes my perception of reality. I only want to win, I only want happiness, etc. Reality is a double-edged sword. The answer to this puzzle is to play the game with your heart, not your head, instead of obsessing over it. You see, it is your head and ego that sees and experiences duality, and it is your head that creates your preferences based on all the information you have collected over a lifetime of living in this opposite world. It’s up to your head to take wins and losses personally. Your heart, on the other hand, simply goes with the flow, feeling the joy and love of playing the game. Win or lose, it’s love that keeps you coming back to the game again and again. In other words, love isn’t everything…it’s the only thing. Victory is a happy byproduct.
A few years ago, I was an assistant coach at the high school level. I was listening to the head coach talking to the players during halftime of a national team basketball game. He told them that to be a winner, they had to work hard, play smart, have fun and get along. I thought it was very good advice. And as I listened to him talk about these ideas, I realized that before I wanted to commit to all the hard work necessary to win, something else had to be there as well. The main reason why we become true winners and champions in sport and in life, apart from devoting ourselves to hard work, playing smart, having fun, etc., is that we must truly love what we do. It’s from
If we love what we do, it’s much easier to get down to business, bounce back from losses, and show up to play the game again and again. When you look at (whether it’s sports or life), what you see and hear from them is how much they love it. All great champions have this as a basis for participating in their chosen endeavors. I learned to use as a tool to navigate. This is the most valuable lesson sports and competition have taught me. This is the most valuable lesson that can be taught to young athletes. “Winning isn’t everything. Loving is everything”
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