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Dr. Romance on How to Stretch Time
Dr. Romans writes:
Would you like to stretch the time – so that the time you have goes further, and use it more for what you really want to do? Time stretching is not difficult if you have the prerequisites: self-awareness, a sense of purpose, calculated action and a playful attitude.
As with all successful life skills, procrastination works better if you know yourself well. When you are aware of your priorities – for example, where do work, relationship, family and fun fall on the list of “what is most important”? Are you spending the most time on what matters most?
You will be more efficient and less stressed if you learn to take responsibility for your personal and family time. Families need to sit down together and decide which activities are really worth doing, and what is just a “rat race”. Learning to avoid “time sinks” (such as unnecessary e-mail, television, or people talking too much on the phone) is critical, as certain people and activities can take up a lot of time and not be worth it. Being “time aware” is the best way to achieve balance.
If you are a parent, you also need time off. This can be achieved by allowing children over the age of seven to occasionally spend nights at friends’ homes, and then reciprocate. This allows both sets of parents a chance to be alone, to go out, to take a break. “Family networks” in which several families (related or not) share time, driving, trade in babysitters, etc., can really expand the amount of vacations enjoyed by each family.
The key is achieving a balance between work/play, self/other, giving/receiving and freedom/financial security. Achieving a balance between work and the rest of your life is key to preventing burnout. You will be much better at doing this if you are self-aware, think about your options, schedule personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sense of purpose:
As you become more aware of your priorities, you may also discover a sense of purpose. Or, maybe you already know what your sense of purpose is. However you come at it (and I’ve given instructions in both the real 13th step and it’s over with you, if you want more info) knowing what you want to do with your life saves incredible amounts of time. Once you know your goal, a lot of decisions are made in advance – it becomes a process of deciding which moves will get you closer to your goal, and which won’t, and it saves the time wasted on experimentation, deliberation and deliberation.
Learning to be patient and stay calm also stretches time and relieves stress. Cultivating patience is really learning impulse control: learn how to do “emotional maintenance” and shrug off stress; How to stop when something comes to you. It’s a matter of self-control. To gain patience, you must stop the urge to quit, change your thinking/attitude, call a friend for encouragement. People who do need to learn patience don’t know how to say they are impulsive, or how to stop. They often have a sense of entitlement (“I just didn’t want to wait” – said with some pride) and emotional immaturity. They are actually like emotional three-year-olds in an adult’s body. To learn the patience and determination needed to reach long-term goals, first practice small things and learn how to sort out what is worth exercising patience and what is not.
For example, there are situations and people you have to work a little harder to understand what they mean, to not take what they say the wrong way, or use a little more patience around them, because their personalities or styles are completely different from that. your.
You may have encountered people who test your patience at work, with friends or among extended family. Sometimes it’s hard to take care of people because they remind us of other people we’ve had problems with in the past, so we’re attracted and frustrated at the same time. Others can be difficult for many people around them. Problems with a familiar type of person may not appear until you are already connected and involved as friends or partners.
The following exercise will help you step back and look at others as a source of information about yourself, see people from a different angle and use those people who upset you as a reflection of the inner dynamics behind your struggles.
To release small things:
1: Perspective — put them in perspective — will it matter an hour from now — fifteen minutes from now? Most of them won’t be.
2. Self-understanding: If someone or something upsets you, don’t make the problem worse by your reaction. Reactions are normal – what we do with them counts.
3: Go up: If someone scared you (a driver who cut you off) then say a little prayer of thanks that you are alive, bless the other driver (who probably needs it) and feel better.
4. Benefit of the doubt: If someone hurt your feelings, acknowledge that your feelings were hurt, and then consider that the other person is probably more clumsy than hurtful on purpose. The world is full of emotional blockers who don’t understand the impact of their words and actions, and they create more problems for themselves than for you.
5. Consider the source: a really nasty neighbor or associate may repeatedly hurt your feelings. Consider what must be going on inside that person’s head, and be thankful that you don’t hear it. Even the worst people are much nastier to themselves than to others. This person tries to ease his pain by causing certain pains.
Acting thoughtfully rather than impulsively means your actions are efficient, therefore saving more time.
Since time is precious, learn to budget it like you budget your money. In counseling my clients, I have found that putting yourself on a “time diet” works wonders. Beware of “time sinks” — TV, computers, e-mail, etc. and phone conversations with people who talk a lot to no purpose. Learn to say no to non-essential time wasters so you can spend more time doing the things that matter to you. Knowing how to balance and prioritize, collaborate and set your time so that everything has a place is the key. Individuals and couples need to prioritize, collaborate and schedule their time so that everything has a place. Being “time aware” is the best way to achieve balance. Achieving a balance between work and the rest of your life is key to preventing burnout. You will be much better at doing this if you are self-aware, think about your options, schedule personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sometimes, duplicating tools and supplies saves time — for example, scissors, makeup, nails, etc. in multiple places around the house so they’re where you need them when you want them, or if you travel a lot, like me, to keep in your travel kit Permanently available, with items you need, and keep it only for travel. I have a separate ‘kit’ for several activities: one for the gym, one for the pool, one for my music lessons, one for the church choir. When I get home from a trip or workout, I fill out the kit so it’s ready for next time. For example, when I come home from the pool, I take out the wet towels, put in dry ones – and I’m ready to go next time.
A playful attitude may not be particularly time-consuming, but it makes you feel that the time spent is worth it. One of the ways to enjoy the time you have, and feel more satisfied, is to remember that life is not supposed to be serious – to really feel that it is worth living, we all need to have fun. Yes, fun. You remember fun! Fun, humor, leisure activities, and silliness are ways we recharge, renew our energy, restore our hope and positive outlook, and connect with others.
Fun does not depend on spending money or going to extremes. It doesn’t depend on a particular environment, a companion or a particular activity, and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Enjoying is an internal process. You can sit quietly and think about interesting or fun things, or work in your garden, pet the cat, talk quietly with one friend, or play cards with several. Singing, dancing, playing sports and painting are enjoyable pastimes for some people. If you’re like me, playing with your brain is fun. Fun also creates a deep inner connection. Through play we reconnect with our heart, our childish selves and the intuitive and spontaneous part of our psyche.
For many people today (in part, no doubt, from the images of pleasure seen in the media), the definition of fun has become distorted. Some ideas of what fun is related to excess, such as drinking a few drinks or engaging in “extreme” sports. Some people think that in order to have fun, they have to spend a lot of money traveling or dining out. Others think that in order to have fun, they have to be around “the right kind of people”. The saddest of all are those who rely on others to “create” their fun.
Most of us think of fun as something we do on special occasions, something that requires some planning in advance. We have entire industries dedicated to helping us play, it seems like a new theme park opens every week. But when you look back on your happiest life experiences, they are more likely to have been spontaneous and simple than elaborate and expensive. Playing is recreation — that is, an activity that “recreates” us, makes us see life differently and refreshes from the change.
You don’t have to separate play and fun from anything else you do. A light-hearted approach to serious matters is often the most effective approach. Try to laugh — get yourself a desk journal with a new cartoon every day, share a joke you received via email, tell a coworker the cute thing your child said (or listen to their story), or talk about the funny scene in the latest hit movie — will lower your blood pressure yours, will calm the pulse and in general help you release a lot of stress.
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