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Three Common Issues in Foster Children: Hygiene, Eating Problems and Fear of the Dark
Abused and neglected children often have similar problems when they enter out-of-home care (commonly called foster care).
Here are three problems a foster parent may encounter and some possible solutions.
1. Hygiene: The child may not know how to take a bath and brush his teeth. If they are small you can help them. If they are older, I have a suggestion that has worked for me. After having a big boy for a few months, I couldn’t figure out why she didn’t seem to clean herself even though she had been on the toilet for a long time. One day I had an idea to buy a plastic baby doll and she and I gave her a bath. She really had no idea how to give a baby a bath. Such things that we take for granted like lathering up a washcloth, walking from head to toe and drying off were never learned. She did much better after learning to bathe the baby doll. Plus, I taught her how to give a baby bath, something she’ll probably have to do one day.
2. Eating problems, especially hoarding and binge eating. Keep in mind that foster children often come from homes where food was unavailable, so hoarding and gorging may occur. You might find food hidden in their rooms, maybe even food that doesn’t make sense, like 10 moldy bologna sandwiches under the mattress or food you threw in the trash.
Another issue is that foster children may never have learned the cycle of trust in infancy. The cycle of trust relationships is the basic marker of trust learning. The baby gets hungry and he cries. The nurse came to take her and feed her. His needs are met. Babies in abusive and neglectful homes become hungry. they cry But maybe no one comes. Either someone comes and abuses them or holds a bottle and leaves. This basic lack of trust leads to eating and personality disorders.
It’s imperative that you make food available to foster children 24/7, but it’s okay to set boundaries. You don’t want a sleepover, and you don’t want to spend $500 a week on groceries either. There are different thoughts on this. Some people say let them eat what they want but set some limits, such as all food must be eaten at the dining table. Some people say to make a drawer or a closet for them. Some people say only planned meals and snacks.
After trial and error, this is what worked for me and what I suggest: Plan three meals and two healthy snacks. Tell the child that he is expected to eat at the table. If they don’t like what you’re eating, let’s say they always have (for example) a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or cheese and crackers. keep it simple You don’t have to cook multiple meals. In addition to the suggested menu, give the child his own basket in the kitchen and put healthy snacks in it that they like, but not necessarily things that the child will feel the need to devour.
We once had a child who wanted to eat all the time and hoard food. We started with a big basket of goodies in the fridge and on the counter. She will eat it all and come back for more. She came to us very thin but gained 25 kilos in the first month! Eventually we learned that if we put applesauce and cheerios in the basket, she would eat it if she was really hungry but not if she wasn’t hungry. It was the knowledge that it was always there and that no one else was going to eat it that began to make her trust that there would always be food available. Only then did she stop gorging.
3. fear of the dark: Night hours in an abusive or neglectful home may disturb children. When they arrive at your home, provide a night light or let them sleep with the lights on. Keep the light in the bedroom. Let them sleep with their clothes on if they want. Girls may want to sleep in a bra. They may want extra covers or even sleep with their coat on. give them Put a CD player in the foster room and depending on his age (up to about 12), put on soothing music and play the same CD every night. Eventually they will associate the music with safety and sleep. It will take a long time to trust that the night time is safe in your home.
Trust is learned so be trustworthy.
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