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A Guide For Dating a Pyrokinetic
So, you’ve got the hots for “Spark”, a guy with pyrokinesis. I don’t blame you–there’s something intriguing about people who can control fire with their minds, and that dangerous bad-boy vibe–wow. However, before you ignite your passions, I hope you’ll take a few moments to consider the following suggestions:
* Wear natural fiber clothes when you go out – or stay at home – together. Synthetic materials tend to melt into the skin when burned. There is nothing romantic about emergency skin grafts.
* Every guy likes to feel admired. Give your spark a chance to show off for you. Candlelit dinners and romantic evenings in front of the fireplace work well. The options for flaming drinks and desserts are legion, including cherry jubilee, flaming Dr. Peppers, suzette crepes, etc.—and don’t forget s’mores! One of the perks of dating a sparkler is that chances are he can cook—maybe even without a stove.
* Do not leave him alone with your cat. In fact, you’re probably better off with a pet goldfish.
* Show your crush that you notice they’re special with a personalized playlist or mix CD. There is enough “theme” music to suit any mood. for example:
fire by Bruce Springsteen
Slow dance in a burning room By John Mayer
burning love by Elvis Presley
Infernal disco by the Tramps
burn down the house by the Talking Heads
Grape fires by Death Cab for Cutie
got burned by Madonna
through fire and flames by Dragonforce
light my fire by the doors
* Just because he is tin Starting fires with his thoughts doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other aspects. Be sure to ask him about his hobbies and non-flammable interests. This dangerous first-timer might also like salsa dancing or rock climbing!
* Seriously – save the cat.
* Don’t expect him to be able to fix your car. Your spark may be mechanically inclined, but it’s not a good idea for it to get too close to an open fuel line.
* An arson accident does not have to ruin the evening. Consider adding a dash of potpourri or a romantic scent to your fire extinguisher sprays. Maybe you can get a custom smoke detector that plays “your” song – the Talking Heads (listed above) work really well for that.
* Swimming pools are great places for things to be “hot and heavy” with a spark without the risk of accidental ignition. Jacuzzis also work. Oh – and showers…
* Try not to make him angry. You won’t like him when he’s angry.
* Do you two have a date for Halloween? Match your outfits. Imagine what he could do dressed as a devil to your angel – or how about a fire and ice theme?
* If he tells you something like “you smoke”, be aware that he may not be flattering your looks. And if he says someone is “on fire,” it may not be a comment about the person’s sexual orientation.
* Remember, G positive traits like pyrokinesis are genetic. Make sure your family is comfortable with the idea of grandkids starting a fire before things get too serious.
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