Why People Need To Listing To My Music Site Www.Quora.Com When Conversations Matter, Have Them One at a Time

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When Conversations Matter, Have Them One at a Time

When conversations matter, really matter, have them one at a time. “Of course!” I hear you say, it makes perfect sense. Yet on a daily basis how often do we catch ourselves trying to have multiple conversations simultaneously?

Your busy with an email, the phone rings. You answer the phone and carry-on typing. Sound familiar?

For many of us when we are on the telephone we are still busy doing other things at the same time, such as finishing typing up a document or looking at an email that has just appeared in our inbox. We assume the person on the other end of the telephone line doesn’t know what we are doing; after all they can’t see us. The reality is rather different. Our mental focus is divided between the telephone conversation and the internal conversation around the computer task. We only do half a job on each, our phone conversation as a result misses some of the key points, our verbal responses are slow, they can really lack relevance and the person on the other end can tell something isn’t quite right.

We fall into the exact same trap when we’re having face-to-face conversations. Instead of focusing our full attention, being present and actively listening to the other party we get distracted by our inner thoughts. Commonly we are more worried about what our next question might be, what’s playing on the video screen behind their head, or looking at the person walking by than actually listening to the answer of the last question. There are just so many distractions in our busy, fast-paced world.

This results in our mouth being left in charge to drive itself without full support of our brain. Which means the end of our sentences tail off, we often miss the key point and leave the audience thinking ‘what the?’.

This lack of brainpower to our conversation gets exacerbated when we are nervous, say you are talking to a senior executive or to a large audience. In addition to thinking about our next line whilst talking, our nerves generate a barrage of internal chatter to distract us;

‘ I don’t really know what I am talking about’

‘They know I don’t know what I am talking about’

‘They think I am silly’

‘I am too old/young/ tall/short fat/thin… ‘

On and on it goes. This internal conversation, ‘Monkey-Chatter’ as we like to label it, can get so loud that not only does it distract from what we are saying but in some cases it can paralyse us, leaving you unable to speak at all.

So what to do?

1. Attend. When in conversation with someone, consciously zoom in on them and attend to the conversation. Stop everything else.

2. Actively Listen. When you ask someone a question stop the chatter in your head, manage your Monkey, and actively listen to the response. Don’t worry about what your next question will be, listen to the response you get and then ask a natural, follow-on question from what you have heard.

3. Project Interest. When my young kids rush up to my office after a day at school my physical response has a significant impact on how the conversation goes. If I carry on typing at my desk – half listening and half responding, they will find all sorts of creative, annoying ways to grab my attention. If, on the other hand, I stop what I am doing, swivel my chair around to face them, and open my arms out for a big hug… they tell me they have had a fantastic day and run off, satisfied that they have connected. Demonstrate, appropriately, with your physicality that you are interested for more connected conversation.

4. Use the power of pause. Finish each sentence as strongly as you started, then pause. Pauses are great, they give others a chance to catch up and process what you have just said, they give you time to think about what you are going to say next, and they make you sound and look more intelligent.

So there you have it, four easily implemented strategies to make sure you engage and connect with people more easily.

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